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The Journal of Intestinal Fortitude
20 most recent entries

Date:2011-08-05 13:31
Subject:Okay, so it's been a while.

Just wanted to let you know I'm NOT still alive.

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Date:2009-10-26 10:42
Subject:Demented RPG

Suitable for Halloween, but for sure not work-friendly...

I may lose some friends over this, but I've started playing a messed up game online called Demented. I was skeptical going in, but it turned out to be fun...come torture, maim, or kill me at http://dementedrpg.com?ref=10111!

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Date:2009-06-12 15:19
Subject:Better Haunted Homes and Gardens
Mood: thirsty

My wife recently wrote a children's book called Better Haunted Homes and Gardens, now available at Amazon.

Here's the description: "When Ivy Spookerton realizes that her apartment is too small for all of her pets she decides to move. But where will she and her pets feel most at home? With the help of realtor Lady MacBeth she sets out to find the most haunted house in all of Pumpkinville."

It's good stuff - every kid who sees the book loves it, which is pretty cool considering she just wrote it for our son.

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Date:2009-06-10 05:16

I'm on Twitter now: http://twitter.com/bizarroguy

This revelation rocks your universe, I'm sure.

Anyway, check it out to make your stalking efforts more efficient.

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Date:2009-06-07 04:29
Subject:Book out now!

The Plague Factory is now available through stores and online retailers! Some of you may remember this collection of poetry from its short life as an eBook (with several different publishers over the course of two years - long story). It was very successful, with about 3,000 downloads (hey, that's pretty good for a poet who ain't dead yet) so now we've brought it into print with new cover and about 15 pages of new material.

The Plague Factory is a silly, irreverent collection, so it's a nice break from my other stuff. You can check it out at Amazon.com. Even though it's an old collection I'm still pretty stoked!

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Date:2009-06-04 14:54
Subject:See me get killed...really!
Mood: sad

I'll be flying down to Texas for a shoot with indie director Jayson Densman. The film is called Party Girl and it is based on the short story by Dustin LaValley (read it in his awesome fiction collection Lowlife Underdogs).

I'll be playing a male scumbag (hard to believe, I know) killed by the central character. While I'm in Texas I plan to do some publicity appearances, interviews, and a photoshoot (no nekkid pics of me, sorry).

Here's the official Party Girl page: http://www.myspace.com/eggfilm

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Date:2008-09-18 09:39
Subject:RDSP 5 year anniversary sale!
Mood: optimistic

In celebration of our first five years in business we've reduced a wide array of our products to $5 for a limited time! There's a flat shipping rate of $3 or $10 for international orders, no matter how many items you purchase. If you've been waiting for a chance to try out our books this is the perfect opportunity!

Fulfill your post-capitalist/pre-apocalyptic urges at:


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Date:2008-09-04 14:24
Subject:Western Maryland Small Press Festival
Mood: recumbent


Just a quick note to let everybody know we'll be at the Western Maryland Second Annual Regional Small Press Fair sponsored by Frostburg State University on Saturday, September 6. There will be a Raw Dog Screaming Press table in operation throughout the day, and we'll be participating in discussions (see below). I hope to see some of you there!


12: 10 in the Children's Room Writers Q&A: Sci/Fi fantasy writers Andy Duncan, John Lawson.

You can catch my wife, Jennifer, at 3:10 in the Children's Room Writers Q&A: Children’s Literature Brad Barkley, Jennifer Barnes, Charlene Haines.


Washington Street Library
31 Washington St.
Cumberland, MD

Or, if you will be in the DC area that night, you can instead go to:
Spellbound @ Recessions,
The Quincy Hotel in DC
Book release party & signing for Donna Lynch's Isabel Burning

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Date:2008-08-31 06:39
Subject:Writer's Edge 2009
Mood: restless

(posting this on behalf of my pomo peeps)

Please help pass the word that we are accepting applications for the fourth annual Fiction Collective 2 (FC2) Writer's Edge workshop, held March 19-21, 2009, in Cuernavaca, Mexico, at the Universidad International. This year, the FC2 Writer's Edge will be held in conjunction with the American Book Review (ABR) Writer's Conference, held March 16-18.

Sponsored by FC2 and ABR, the conference will feature workshops on innovative fiction, panels, a faculty reading, open mics for participants, and myriad conversations about experimental prose.

Below are descriptions for the FC2 Writer's Edge workshops, as well as a list of the faculty teaching them. For more information on both the FC2 Writer's Edge and ABR Writer's Conference, including information on how to apply, please visit the following URL:


If you have any questions, please contact Lance Olsen, conference co-organizer and chair of the FC2 Board of Directors, at writersedge2009@gmail.com.

Matthew Kirkpatrick
FC2 Fellow
University of Utah


Alexandra Chasin

Creativity, we may imagine, resides in the imagination of the new. It’s cheating to use found texts and other objects. Yet at the same time the body of already-existing texts and artifacts is a vast archive too fantastic to consign to the dustbin of literary (and extra-literary) history. In fact, there is already a rich tradition of literature that imports bits of the world. And those bits needn’t be limited to literary texts. Newspapers, songs, legal documents, textbooks from any number of disciplines, medical records, maps, photos, and other images—not only is it not cheating to use such materials, but it opens up a new set of possibilities for writing into, out of, and/or about the historical record. For writers interested in investigating techniques of representing and referring to the phenomenal world and its infinite pasts and presents—techniques of incorporating its material effects into fictional work—this workshop will offer examples of, discussion of, and exercises in salvage, rereading, quotation, recycling, imitation, cut and paste, (re)appropriation, repetition, reproduction, revision, parody, hoax, and other acts of unoriginality. In preparation, you may want to acquaint yourself with the following fictions: Don Quixote, Kathy Acker; “Pierre Menard, Author of the Quixote,” Jorge Luis Borges; A Humument, Tom Philips; Mumbo Jumbo, Ishmael Reed.

Jeffrey DeShell

“Mediocre Writers Borrow; Great Writers Steal.” —T. S. Eliot
“Bad artists copy. Great artists steal.” —Pablo Picasso

Writing is never done in a vacuum; it occurs always in context. Often fiction writing is provoked by contact with other art forms like painting, music and film. If composition is a series of decisions about what goes where, shouldn’t the translating of decisions from painting, music and film into narrative language be possible? And if it is possible, how can we go about it? Or, to start from the other direction: how can we weave our obsessions with music, painting and film into our fiction writing? The Greek word for this translating is ekphrasis (which usually refers to poetry), and in the contemporary world we often speak of allegory and mimesis. We’ll try to bracket the theoretical discussions and center our discussion on practical larcenous techniques. Participants are asked to bring a representation (postcard, photocopy, photograph, mp3, film, video, etc.) or actual object of something they’d like to translate into prose. Students may also wish to read Gertrude Stein’s portraits of Cezanne, Matisse and Picasso.

Stephen Graham Jones

So one argument and I don’t necessarily disbelieve it is that punctuation is just a parasite that all it is is the side effect of writing words down in these lines that it’s just a clumsy visual approximation of the natural rhythms of speech that in prose fiction are pretty much exactly what’s supposed to lull the reader into a state where the story can work or or a better way to say it maybe is that that unbroken patter and burble and spike of words is what transports the reader not off the page but into it face first ankle deep and evermore. But yeah, sometimes a comma sure is nice, right? Here we’ll talk about this, both in terse, nervous, over-punctuated sentences we try to laugh off and in long unbroken fragments that wander and forget themselves and then find each other in surprising ways. And we’ll do some writing as well. And never stop

Lance Olsen

Despite frequent (and frequently naïve) claims to the contrary, innovative fiction is neither necessarily ahistorical nor dehistoricized. Rather, it continually questions our culture’s suppositions about what constitutes historical knowledge, embracing the counter-intuitive recognition that texts are simultaneously self-conscious linguistic and formal systems shut off from the world and active participants in larger sociopolitical contexts. In this workshop, which will consist of mini-lecture, conversation, and two exercises, we shall explore the practical and theoretical joys, problemitizations, assumptions, and possibilities in engaging with the past(s)—“real” and imagined—inventively in writing. In preparation, you may want to acquaint yourself with the following fictions: Da Vinci’s Bicycle, Guy Davenport; History of the Imagination, Norman Locke; Cloud Atlas, David Mitchell; Nietzsche’s Kisses, Lance Olsen.

Lidia Yuknavitch

One of Gloria Anzaldúa's major contributions to United States academic and creative writing and discussion was the term mestizaje, meaning a state of being beyond binary (either-or) conception. In her theoretical works, Anzaldúa calls for a “new mestiza,” which she describes as an individual aware of her conflicting and meshing identities who uses these “new angles of vision” to challenge old ways of thinking, being and writing. The work of Guillermo Gómez-Peña concerns the U.S.-Mexican border itself, immigration, cross-cultural identity, and the confrontation and misunderstandings between cultures and races. His artwork and literature also explores the politics of language, the side effects of globalization, “extreme culture,” and new technologies from a Latino perspective. Unlike what might happen at an academic conference, as creative writers we will be “inhabiting the territory” of their texts, and moving through their language as citizens of an unnamed country with identities forming at a border of language and geography. We will push ourselves through two major writing exercises meant to reinvent identity stories. In some ways we will be deconstructing whiteness and the position of the “U.S.” writer. We will also create a blog that “performs” our “texts” as an extension of the workshop. In preparation, you may want to acquaint yourself with the following: Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza, Anzuldua; The New World Border and Dangerous Border Crossers, Gómez-Peña. You may also want to check out some of Gómez-Peña’s performance work at the Video Artist Database: http://www.vdb.org/

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Date:2008-08-28 05:06
Subject:"Pay no attention to the man behind the zipper..."
Mood: sore

So, I'm at my son's school yesterday for the brief trial class that gets the children acclimated to things. It's only an hour, so the parents are supposed to stick around (I think mainly they want you there in class your child freaks out). I do unusually well (for me) making small talk and such; it's important that school go well for my son, which means his parents have to make a good impression. Afterwards we get out to the car, I buckle him in, and as we're pulling out I realize my fly is all the way down. As it turns out, the fly on those shorts is busted. At least everything was "under wraps" down in "the region," with no "free range" action.

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Date:2008-08-24 16:12
Subject:Isabel Burning in Booklist
Mood: accomplished

The debut novel of one of our authors, Donna Lynch, has gotten a rave review in Booklist. Now we know why so many libraries have been sending orders our way...I thought they had ESP or something...anyway, here's the review:

Isabel Burning.
By Donna Lynch.

Aug. 2008. 236p. Raw Dog Screaming, $29.95 (9781933293493); paper, $15.95 (9781933293561).

Lynch's alternate/indie-rock music career serves her well in this lyrical first novel about some unsettling supernatural secrets that might be better left concealed. Isabel is a solitary young woman who burns with inner fires of intuition that guide her during life-altering decisions. One such fire urges her to accept a housekeeping position at a sprawling estate owned by the reclusive Dr. Grace. Since neither has a wealth of family or friends, a bond quickly forms between the two that blossoms into an intimate relationship and the inevitable discovery of each other's darker nature. When Dr. Grace reveals his involvement in macabre African experiments focused on harnessing the soul's energies, Isabel's intuitive flame burns brighter than ever, warning her to flee his influence. Yet, once Isabel agrees to a bizarre experiment involving soul transfer, Dr. Grace's spell becomes overpowering, and his hidden knowledge even more gruesome. An imaginative blend of dreams, fertility rites, and arcane magic gives Lynch's story a deliciously gothic flavor that readers with a taste for more highbrow horror will find irresistible.
--Carl Hays, Booklist

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Date:2008-08-22 13:44
Subject:I'm now your private dancer
Mood: crazy

Below are two videos of my reading at HorrorFind last weekend. Sadly, I don't think it captured the bit where I pulled dismembered doll legs out of my pants and handed them to people in the front row, or where I did my chair-spinning thing. Hopefully you'll enjoy it anyway. You will, at least, get to hear me doing a truly screwed up version of Tina Turner's "Private Dancer."

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Date:2008-08-19 11:33
Subject:Defining Moment (video)
Mood: tired

Below is a video from the Raw Dog Screaming 5-year anniversary party held at HorrorFind Weekend. This is Jennifer, the co-founder and managing editor, giving a speech...during which a posse of drunken savages crashed the party...

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Date:2008-08-14 10:37
Subject:Come see me this weekend, I'll even feed you...
Mood: accomplished

It's that time of the year again! HORRORFIND August is starting tomorrow, and I'll be there all weekend with a reading Friday night, and a room party Saturday night. Details below. And yes, we WILL have a six-foot sub again this year, along with drinks, chips, and home-made brownies. Eleven people from the RDSP crew will be on hand so come meet the authors, check out the five titles we have debuting there, get an RDSP T-shirt...and did I mention SIX FOOT SUB??? Hope to see you there!

August 15-17
HorrorFind Weekend
UMUC Marriott Inn & Conference Center
Adelphi, MD


6:00-6:30 Ronald Damien Malfi
6:30-7:00 Adam Golaski
7:00-7:30 Donna Lynch
7:30-8:00 D. Harlan Wilson
8:30-9:00 Matthew Warner
9:00-9:30 John Edward Lawson
9:30-10:00 Michael A. Arnzen

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Date:2008-07-24 12:41
Subject:I can't believe nobody wanted to finish off this pizza...

Man, this pizza is really getting whack...

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Date:2008-07-22 14:06
Subject:Tripping Through the Light Fields
Mood: hungry

Does anybody want this last bite of pizza?

Because it's gotten cold, and I don't do cold pizza.

Seriously folks, this is an election year.

Just ask yourself what McCain and/or Obama would do with this last bite of pizza.

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Date:2008-01-10 06:27
Subject:"I Came Back From Hell So That I Might Fight With You"

Been quite a while since I posted; due to recent events in my life I haven't been online much since September. This means I'm way between in my correspondence. to all waiting for a reply: I apologize, and you should be hearing from me soon.

In the meantime a lot of things have happened. For instance, A Child's Guide to Death is now available. This illustrated book is a collaborative effort between myself, Mark Sullivan, Dustin LaValley, and the multi-talented Darin Malfi (brother of author Ronald Damien Malfi). The reviews for this one have been twisted and hilarious, just like the book itself. This "children's" book is by no means for the young - strictly adults only, please! I'm happy to say you'll be able to catch the creators in person at Horrorfind Weekend in Adelphi, Maryland this March. More details soon.

In other news...The Sound of Horror This anthology is now available! It contains my story "Tyranny of the Beat" (originally published in German/Italian for the European antho Masters of Unreality) written back in 2004. "Tyranny" follows two detectives loosely using their jobs as an excuse to descend into the underbelly of nanotech and grotesque death, by means of the underground club circuit. It takes place in the decaying future found in some of my other stories..."A Blight in the Darkness," "Truth in Ruins," etc. If you're looking for dark fiction that's a bit different, try this one on for size. Keep your eye out for more from this great new publisher!

The opening chapter of my forthcoming novel, I am the Decider, is in the new issue of Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens. This issue is a free PDF download! The URL is http://www.absurdistjournal.com/pdf/issue7.pdf Take some time to order their back issues while you're there.

There's a lot more in the way of news, but I'll save it for the next update. Happy New Year!

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Date:2007-10-25 07:50
Subject:I Walked With A Zombie...

If you happen to live in the Pittsburgh area stop in to visit us at the Zombiefest! I'll be at the Raw Dog Screaming Press table with Michael A. Arnzen, Ronald Damien Malfi, Dustin LaValley, Christopher M. Danaher, and Darin Malfi (who now has an RDSP tattoo!!!!). And don't miss the Zombie Walk on Sunday; they've got the Guinness record for biggest zombie walk every year, right at the mall where they filmed Dawn of the Dead!

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Date:2007-10-22 13:51
Subject:If somebody tells you they're worth $50 million...

The Bionic Teen: maybe.

Bionic Woman? No. Not even close.

And, what's even more painful is seeing the former Kara "Starbuck" Thrace, well established as an actor and convincing bad-ass, on the show but somehow not the lead. Huh?????

As for Albert: you're a long, long way from Twin Peaks, and in desperate need of Gordon Cole.

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Date:2007-09-27 14:03
Subject:Good news
Mood: listless

Recently found out my poem "Where the Heart Isn't" has been nominated for the Dwarf Stars Award, and will be published in an anthology. Many of you have heard the story of how I wrote that one in a dream. If I weren't such an isomniac my career would really be going places...

Speaking of which, The Sound of Horror anthology edited by David Montoya has been published. It's a horror antho based around sound/music/etc., and includes my story "Tyranny of the Beat", which is also going to be published in a German antho later this year.

On top of that, D.W. Green just accepted six pieces from me for the Twisted Twins calendar (five flash fic, one poem); I'll be the featured poet in a forthcoming issue of Doorways; an excerpt of my forthcoming novel I Am the Decider will be in the next Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens; my collaborative illustrated book A Child's Guide to Death is going to be released in October.

The biggest news is that I'm now literary director of an alt-culture site that's about to launch. I'll be posting regular updates about features, interviews, etc. In addition to the regular nonfic we'll also be publishing opinion pieces, poetry, fiction, a little bit of everything.

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